A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You can't special order awesome
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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