i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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