I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
