I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
