If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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