I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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