Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
