Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
