Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Success! We fucked roommates!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
