When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
