And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
