i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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