Screwed.edu
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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