I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
