Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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