Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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