She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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