I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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