well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
