Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
