I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
