my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
