Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
