people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
