the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I am available for nakedness
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
