I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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