Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Vodka?
Forever.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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