im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
