I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
