Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just puked most of my soul out..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
