Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
