Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
