I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
