R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
