Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
