That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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