Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
