Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
