He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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