Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
