It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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