She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
