well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
