we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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