Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
