so explain again why im purple
no
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
