About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
