we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize