Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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