It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
