Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
