i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
