hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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