Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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