I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
