Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
