I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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