you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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