I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
