Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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